I went out this evening to haul some corporation goods into Intaki. When I arrived home, I was implored by my pilots to quickly bring a ship out to where they’d pointed, lost, and then re-pointed Foley Aberas Jones, a Sergeant Major with the Caldari militia, at a district satellite over Intaki Prime.

Except...they asked me to bring a launcher and load it with some…non-standard ammunition. Curious as to what mischief my people had gotten themselves into, I did as I was asked.

Hilarity ensued, for the better part of an hour.

Transcript follows.

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Channel ID: 30003788
Channel Name: Intaki System Local
Listener: Sakaane Eionell
Session started: YC117.01.13 02:32:43
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Foley Aberas Jones > Come on IPI… T_T

Richard Masseri > Intaki Defense!

Richard Masseri grins.

Foley Aberas Jones > I’m shooting Gallente forces! >__>

Richard Masseri > Look at the fit.

Foley Aberas Jones > :|

Foley Aberas Jones > :|

Foley Aberas Jones > :|

Foley Aberas Jones > God fucking bless you IPI…

Richard Masseri > Come back! Join the fun!

Foley Aberas Jones > I would but the ground forces need me. o7

Foley Aberas Jones > Fuck sorry…

Foley Aberas Jones > :D

Foley Aberas Jones waits for the sudden alpha.

Richard Masseri > THIS IS NEW EDEN!

Foley Aberas Jones > :D

Erun Talan > Light ’im up, boys!

Foley Aberas Jones > NOES

Foley Aberas Jones > MUH SHIP

Foley Aberas Jones > D:

Daniel Alpena > MOAR AMMO

Foley Aberas Jones > Stahp or I report you to the DED! >:O I got Angry CONCORD Guy on speed dial!

Foley Aberas Jones is lying.

Foley Aberas Jones > D:

Foley Aberas Jones > Dat’s it. I’m getting PL!

Richard Masseri grins.

Richard Masseri > Let them come.

Daniel Alpena > Millions of Intaki citizens are saying Ooooh and Aaaah right now.

Daniel Alpena > If we see a cyno we’re getting out the snowballs. Be warned!

Foley Aberas Jones > Ransom? D:

Sakaane Eionell > Speaking of snowballs…

Foley Aberas Jones > I pay you all 2m to stahp, yus? D:

Foley Aberas Jones > Oh fuck. ._.

Daniel Alpena > We’ll run out of ammo eventually.

Foley Aberas Jones > DENAK

Foley Aberas Jones > SAVE ME

Foley Aberas Jones > TOO

Foley Aberas Jones > FUCKING

Foley Aberas Jones > BRIGHT

Foley Aberas Jones > MUH CAMERA DRONES

Foley Aberas Jones > STAHP! THINK OF THE PLEX IN MUH CARGO

Foley Aberas Jones > THEY HAVE KIDS

Sakaane Eionell > Beware the wrath of the Intaki Liberation Front… This is what happens when you OB.

Foley Aberas Jones > ;_; I sowwy.

Daniel Alpena > We also sell sunglasses at the V-5 trade hub, very reasonable.

Foley Aberas Jones > I can’t dock here .___. THUS NO SHADES.

Foley Aberas Jones > MUH EYES

Foley Aberas Jones > D:

Foley Aberas Jones > Holy shit how much ammo do you guys have?? D;

Richard Masseri > Too much!

Foley Aberas Jones > How much does it all cost? ._.

Sakaane Eionell > We run this thing called the Intaki V-5 Trade Hub. We bring in all kinds of supplies.

Foley Aberas Jones > MUST ESCAPE D;

Daniel Alpena > Every fireworks show needs a Grand Finale!

Foley Aberas Jones > BURN GOD DAMMIT

Foley Aberas Jones > D:

Richard Masseri > gg

Foley Aberas Jones > HA! I have escaped :3

Sakaane Eionell > We hope you learned your lesson!

Foley Aberas Jones > lol nope

Foley Aberas Jones points at the overview as he warps to a new satellite.

Foley Aberas Jones > :D

Daniel Alpena > We do stock other types of ammo.

Foley Aberas Jones > Oh shit. ._.

Sakaane Eionell > The pointy kind.

Foley Aberas Jones > Pls no. ._.

Foley Aberas Jones > I need to change my pants ._.

Foley Aberas Jones cries.

Sakaane Eionell > I think we sell pants too.

Foley Aberas Jones > I can’t dock tho. ._.

Sakaane Eionell > This is what cans are for.

Sakaane Eionell > Here comes some more pain.

Foley Aberas Jones > OH GOD

Foley Aberas Jones > THE REPS

Foley Aberas Jones > THEY

Foley Aberas Jones > ARE

Foley Aberas Jones > REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Foley Aberas Jones > Y U DO DIS?? D;

Foley Aberas Jones > YOU EVIL FUCKS

Sakaane Eionell > Because we are the one…

Sakaane Eionell > The only…

Sakaane Eionell > Intaki Liberation Front!

Sakaane Eionell dances.

Daniel Alpena > Also we’re attracted to bright lights. We’re like moths.

Foley Aberas Jones > We are not even fighting on the ground. Everyone is just looking up into the sky, watching this…

Foley Aberas Jones > You managed to halt the war.

Sakaane Eionell > Be sure to hand out some tissues to catch the awe-inspired drool.

Daniel Alpena > I didn’t get to do any repairing. Someone damage his armor again, please.

Foley Aberas Jones > Kill: WreckBall (Logistics A/1-Series) Kill: MARKS Sanderley (Militia Caldari Heavy Frame)

Foley Aberas Jones > Easier to kill them… Wait wut? ._.

Sakaane Eionell > I technically didn’t have anything to rep either so I also require some damage on him.

Foley Aberas Jones > .______________________.

Foley Aberas Jones feels a tear run down his cheek.

Foley Aberas Jones > Please be gentle.

Sakaane Eionell > BRING ME MY THANATOS!

Foley Aberas Jones > D:

Sakaane Eionell doesn’t actually have one.

Foley Aberas Jones > You can borrow mine :x

Foley Aberas Jones doesn’t actually have one either.

Daniel Alpena > We’ll try, but you can’t reason with smartbombs.

Foley Aberas Jones > That’s it, you asked for it! TIME TO BUMP!

Richard Masseri warps in a Megathron.

Richard Masseri > Hey over here!

Foley Aberas Jones > 3v1?

Foley Aberas Jones > Oh shit!

Foley Aberas Jones > ._.

Foley Aberas Jones > I never asked for this… WHY GOD?? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY?

Sakaane Eionell grins.

Foley Aberas Jones > I give up. D:

Foley Aberas Jones > What are your demands? D:

Sakaane Eionell > Salvation from the Caldari and the Gallente.

Sakaane Eionell > Cheese for everyone.

Sakaane Eionell > Wednesdays off.

Sakaane Eionell > And someone to rub my feet.

Sakaane Eionell > And a cake.

Foley Aberas Jones > Do I get cheese too?

Sakaane Eionell > Yes, you can have cheese too.

Foley Aberas Jones > :O

Foley Aberas Jones > Thank you so much! :O

Sakaane Eionell > Oh…

Sakaane Eionell > One more thing.

Sakaane Eionell > Your allegiance to the sisterhood of Intaki.

Foley Aberas Jones > ._.

Sakaane Eionell > And your coat.

Foley Aberas Jones > ._. Ok now we are getting ahead of ourselves…

Sakaane Eionell > I don’t want your pants though, you can keep those given what you did in them.

Erun Talan > Hehe.

Foley Aberas Jones > I mean allegiance is fine but…my coat? Come on…

Sakaane Eionell > Fly safe Foley. :)

Foley Aberas Jones > .___.

Foley Aberas Jones > How much did all that cost…

Sakaane Eionell > It cost some laughs and some time! And a bit of cap.

Foley Aberas Jones > Because I kinda wanna give you ISK to buy more…

Richard Masseri > I have 50k more fireworks in station.

Sakaane Eionell > But… ILF gratefully accepts all donations of ISK and dreadnoughts for the good of the Intaki independence movement.

Sakaane Eionell > I mean—

Sakaane Eionell > ISK and fireworks…

Foley Aberas Jones > There’s 20m. Can I haz blue status now? .___.

Sakaane Eionell > There are benefits to having blue.

Sakaane Eionell > We use the blue fireworks then.

Sakaane Eionell > Rather than the green ones.

Richard Masseri > And the blue smartbombs…

Sakaane Eionell grins.

Sakaane Eionell > Thank you Foley. You didn’t have to do that.

Foley Aberas Jones > Have moar ISK!

Foley Aberas Jones > Welp I’m off to Akidagi. Fly safe IPI. o7

Sakaane Eionell > Have fun! Beware festival launchers.

NOTICE: TIME INDEX SKIPPED. NO DATA FOR 46 MINUTES.

Xander Pheonix > Do you guys mind if I run some plexes?

Sakaane Eionell > Hmm…

Sakaane Eionell checks to see how many fireworks she has left…

 

In the end I refunded Foley his ISK, and gave him blue simply for being such a good sport. Still waiting for his coat and that foot rub though…