Last month, I wrote I wanted more control over what happens to me. I hoped that spending a month planetside to rest and recuperate from the strains of everything that’s happened in the last few months would put me in a place, or even just a mindset, where I could achieve just that.

Today I returned to my duties. Right off the bat I was called to a meeting with the Suresha and Layla, ostensibly to discuss the troubles that have plagued us since I became president. I didn’t like that the meeting took place in public; this was an internal matter and we should have tried to resolve it between us rather than with an audience. But I had no control over that.

In the end, I’m not sure if we resolved anything anyway. We certainly didn’t actually talk about what had brought us there in the first place, though for my part it seemed Layla and I got along better this time around than any time before. I hope her new business model produces results, both for my peace of mind and just as something IRAG and the alliance can put down as a mark of success in general. I want to be able to get along with her. I have better and more important things to do than constantly fight with her.

The rest of the meeting…was long and convoluted and exhausting. The Suresha obviously enjoys his theatrics; perhaps in another life he was a stage performer! But now I’ve seen firsthand the way he conducts his politics. This, too, might be why these last months were troublesome. Everyone is used to how he does—or doesn’t do—things. My approach is certainly very different. People resist change.

I’m troubled, and yet relieved, that he, in his words, is ‘going away’ for a while. In some ways it’s been a comfort to know he was there to turn to while I’ve stumbled around trying to figure out how to run the alliance. And yet… I need to do this on my own as well, come into my own, for better or worse.

Despite everything I’m eager to get going and forge ahead. Maybe now we can actually be productive under my leadership. I sure hope so.

And I hope the wolves who catch wind of today’s theatrics won’t come lurking around too soon.