I received a response to my resignation from the Suresha today. I didn’t think I’d get one, but it says something that he took time out of his busy day to reply to me. He expressed his disappointment that I (and Devan and Eric, who followed two days ago) left without speaking with him about my concerns first.

In his mail he said he didn’t believe me when I said I would return. Other pilots have left and said much the same, and never kept their word.

I feel guilty. He is entirely correct, I could have tried to speak with him. I suppose after my experience with Nailo and given that Gabe never heard back from Suresha Hawke, I assumed there was no point in trying to broach the topic myself. That’s no excuse though. I have felt so torn this year and now I wonder if I have made a bigger mess of things than I intended.

I replied and spoke frankly, telling him the things I should have said originally. I wasn’t thrilled to feel I had to leave ILF; I wouldn’t have said I wish to return if I didn’t mean it; I respect him as a leader and that’s one reason it was difficult to go.

I told him my thoughts about the mail he sent the day I joined ILF, wherein he instructed the established Aditipala squadrons, wings, and fleets to disband because someone in the command structure had recently left the organization. He wanted the combat pilots to work ad-hoc instead, and I think now that’s why activity fell off as sharply as it did.

Since leaving ILF I have learned very quickly that structure in capsuleer combat is essential. Making mandatory, organized use of fleet comms is essential. Destroying whatever structure they had left everyone lost. Additionally, there was little to no seniority in the available pilots in Intaki. We were all Kacha, and the few times there were pilots around who weren’t, they were obviously still lacking in the necessary experience to properly FC a roam (compared to the excellent FCing I have experienced since then). With groups like SCUM and the Tuskers moving in, the pilots who were there, including me, were seriously out-classed and out-gunned.

Then there is the enigma that is Nimloth Valinor. Since I left ILF she seems to have taken an almost obsessed interest in me, to the point of requesting comms daily and analyzing my kill history uninvited. She’s also been flying with ILF pilots. But from my conversations with her I know Nimloth engages in pirate activity and she or others in her corp tries to spy on ILF via FreeIntaki and possibly other avenues. She’s told me her corpmates actively hunt targets in the ILF area. Why she admits this information to me freely I have no idea. Surely she must realize I’ll pass it on.

Her behavior is quite odd and while activities the last few days show she is helping to get kills for ILF, her conversations with me about same lead me to believe this is somehow part of an elaborate plan to somehow disgrace ILF. She often shares ship fits with me that are questionable and I would hate for ILF pilots to be intentionally misled. But…how will they know any better? I imagine they are grateful for the assistance instead of wary. I hope I’m wrong about this pilot but my instincts tell me I’m not.

Then I brought up Gabe. I was keen to have him join ILF because I knew he would be able to help many people (including me, but specifically the bomber pilots) improve their skills I told the Suresha how Gabe felt about not receiving a reply to his mail and how he’d taken it personally. I wasn’t sure what good it would do.

Some hours after I sent the mail, the Suresha contacted me directly.

If ever I wondered before to whom my loyalties belonged, there is absolutely no question about it now.

I should never have left the Intaki Liberation Front. I will stay with Tantalus only so long as I need to become comfortable with my skills, and then I will go home. I will keep my word to the Suresha. I promise.