I’m calmer now; I can finish the previous entry. I guess they had to sedate me again. Lately I get so worked up! When that happens the nurses make tutting sounds and murmur about the so-called stoic nature of the Intaki. My therapist sighs and makes notes.
What kind of life will I lead now? I wish I had died.
No, that’s not true. Not all the time, but still sometimes. I was naive about leaving Intaki, ignorant about what dangers there were beyond my world.
It took some doing; in the early days they wouldn’t let me watch the newsfeeds and my therapist still doesn’t like it if I do. Actually, she reminds me a lot of my father that way. He never let us learn much about New Eden, and I guess now I understand why he always became irritable and quiet when any of us asked questions. He was always afraid to talk about space. But maybe if he hadn’t been I wouldn’t be in this position! How could he let us go out there without knowing anything?! I’ve never been so angry…
I’m paying attention now; I see and hear the reports of what goes on all across Placid, things I never paid attention to before, things my father tried to protect me from the way he kept the waiver secret.
But some weeks ago I finally learned who attacked us, who wrecked my life and killed all the people I love.
That name is what I hold onto. If I have nothing else now, I have that. And one day I will be free of this hospital, free of bleached sheets, antiseptic smells and needles and therapies and people telling me it will “be okay”. On that day, I will find a way to get back at the pirates for what they’ve done. I swear.